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Monday, July 13, 2009

Just Is

It isn’t right.

What isn’t?

What they’re asking me to do.

And so you won’t do it, right?

Well, yes.
Maybe.
But then again, it may not be much of a choice for me.

But you can decide not to.
If you want, that is.
Nobody would blame you.

No.
Maybe they wouldn’t.
But I might blame myself.

So what will you do then?

I don’t know.
What would you do?

Hmm.

Yeah.
You see now?

I understand what you’re saying, of course.

That’s good to know.

So, it’s like this. I’m giving myself 24 hours.

And then?

And then, I do what I need to do.

You know, people always think what they want to.
What you do doesn’t really change who you are.

Yeah.
But the thing is, people tend to just look at what you do most of the time.
Or… didn’t do.

True.
But you know, I’m sure you’ll do the right thing.

Right is subjective.

So it is.
And so is justice.

* * *

Okay, I’m gonna do it.

You sure this time?

Yeah. I’ve done my 24 hours thing.

And what happened in that 24 hours that made you so sure?

I thought about it.

And?

Then I came to a point of feeling alright about it.

And that is because…?

I thought of what she might have done.
Had she been here.

And why does what she would have done have anything to do with you anymore?

Because I heard her speak.

You what?
When was the last time–

Trust me. I did.
I was just doing the usual grocery thing, then I don’t know why, I felt compelled to stop at the park on the way home. Something about the air. The pitch of the whistling wind, blowing through the trees or something…

Now you’re starting to sound creepy.
What? You saw her ghost?

No.
Well.
Yes.
Well.
Not exactly.
Besides, I don’t believe in ghosts.

Well–

So I just walked right up to the middle of the park. And there was this huge, empty space. And I just lay down there on the grass, and stared up at the sky. The sun was too bright, and I had to cover my eyes. And as I did, suddenly, I heard her voice. It was as if she was just next to me, whispering into my ear.

Mmm. Right…
And what did she say anyway?

She said: I’ll race you to the end.

Err. And that means what, exactly?

She would’ve gone down this very same path I’m taking.
And, she would’ve done what I’m about to do much sooner.

Hmm.
And hearing some mysterious whisper suddenly motivates you to decide this?

Well… yeah.
I just needed to know, somehow, that she would’ve done the exact same thing.

And now you know?

I know inside in a way that I think is hard to explain.

Well, I’m trying my best to keep up, you know?

Haha well, you have always been a good friend.
Best I ever had, I’d wager.

Thanks.

You sound like you don’t believe it?

Sometimes.

Well, like you said, what you are doesn’t change.

That’s not exactly what I meant!

Ah, anyway, I need to go now.
I really need to settle this.

Wait.

What?

You really sure about this?

Yup.

And what makes you think what she says is right?

It just is.

* * *

Hey.

Hey there, stranger.

How’d it go?

I… I’m not sure.
But I did what I needed to do.

You okay?

No.

Anything I can do?

Not really.
And, you know… she came, alright.

You’re kidding me.

No, she was really there, I tell you!

Here we go again…
And she what? Applauded you for a job well done?

She cried.

But didn’t you say she would’ve wanted this?

Yeah, she did… does…. I believe.
But it’s like I knew it was wrong.
And so did she.

And you saw this coming but went ahead and did it anyway?

Well, I told you, I felt it was the thing to do.

And so now? Now what?
You feel the peace you had wanted so much?

Yes.
And yet, no.

Huh?!

This is my last time. The last time I will come here.
I will not pass this way again.

Hey, you’re starting to sound creepy again, my friend.
Just what exactly are you talking about?

I came to say goodbye.

What do you mean goodbye?

To everything.
So everything can go back to normal again.

I don’t–
Wait a minute… so you didn’t…?

No.
But I can’t stick around any longer.
Because the thought of not doing what I should have done when I could have done it might be enough to actually kill me.
You understand?

I think.

Thanks for always being a friend.
I’ll remember you.

Well, for the right reasons, I hope.
And what about justice?

Justice isn’t always fair.

And yet, they say life is beautiful, you know?

Well, it just is.

Day#1

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