Sunday, January 1, 2012

New, what?

I awoke to the sound of birds outside my window. They were chirping cheerily and it felt as if they were saying to me, "Oh come on, time to get out of bed already, the New Year has begun and it's simply beautiful!"

It's cloudy outside. I hear cars whizzing by as they zoom off to break in the day.

Overhead, an aircraft flies, but my curtains are drawn so I can only guess at what kind it is, based on the sound it makes.

I feel calm as I linger on my bed, but my mind has already begun spinning thoughts of things I should do but haven't done.

Holidays end soon and then it's work, routine, mundaneness again.

Unlike other New Years, this time I feel a tinge of apprehension for the upcoming realities that for now remain unknown.

Previous callouses of the heart compel me to be wary of what will come, what I hold on to and may, at times, inevitably lose.

I have watched as bodies age and leave this world. I have endured heartache. I witnessed betrayal and the resulting decay of companionship. I tasted tears, romance; grappled with anger, restlessness.

What does it all come to, to have lived? Year upon year they stack higher with the advent of age and hopes to grasp wisdom.

I have yet to muster something worthwhile to offer, and I only marvel at the productivity, determination, ambition of some.

I feel as though I am floating, driven to and fro by unseen winds.

I only hope for rhyme and rhythm and reason to return. And while I wait, I shuffle and hope to redeem at least some of this... time.

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