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Sunday, January 22, 2012

Funny

It feels strange to have a blog titled Size Seven Shoes and then to have a coffee cup picture showing on the site. I really should make my own template and put shoes into the design. Hmm.

But I like this template.. how? :(

Seeing red

Chinese New Year begins tomorrow.

I think it only really excites you when you're still a child. The thought of the angpaus and meeting cousins and playing games with them seems very much appealing at that age.

At my age, it's not to say that I don't like Chinese New Year altogether, it's just that with each passing one, you feel the weight of how much time has flown and you wonder at where you're at.

This is my final Chinese New Year receiving angpaus. Once I get married later this year, I will be the one handing them out. It'll be a different feeling. It's one of those markers in your life that make you realise how many years you've braved through, and wonder how many more there will be to come.

I've never particularly felt responsible with money. Not that I'm a huge spender, but just that I don't particularly keep a close tab on where all the money goes. I wonder will that be a hindrance as I take on marriage. I wonder how much parents set aside each Chinese New Year in order to be able to hand out angpaus to all who are eligible and whose paths cross theirs.

I am curious too, whether any married couple has ever found themselves utterly broke for the sheer reason that they either handed out too many angpaus or decided on giving too generous a sum in the select few they distributed.

Okay, I need to get out of this Bride-To-Be mode before I end up evoking some long drawn melancholic episode in some single and desperate friend of mine.

Sorry, I didn't mean to rub it in if it was ever perceived that way. I was just wondering aloud. With all this wedding preparations looming ahead, I cannot help but be constantly faced with thoughts about the future consequences of my actions.

I think I have reached the conclusion that while it is good to marry early, it's also important that it is not TOO early. I cannot imagine having to deal with all that I'm working through right now at say, 16 or 18 years old.

It's just way too overwhelming.

In some ways, I'll miss some of the stuff we have the freedom to do when we were teens, but for the most part, I'm happy to be all grown up and moving forward. There are lots of perks to being an adult ;) A child is not wrong in wanting to grow up.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

New, what?

I awoke to the sound of birds outside my window. They were chirping cheerily and it felt as if they were saying to me, "Oh come on, time to get out of bed already, the New Year has begun and it's simply beautiful!"

It's cloudy outside. I hear cars whizzing by as they zoom off to break in the day.

Overhead, an aircraft flies, but my curtains are drawn so I can only guess at what kind it is, based on the sound it makes.

I feel calm as I linger on my bed, but my mind has already begun spinning thoughts of things I should do but haven't done.

Holidays end soon and then it's work, routine, mundaneness again.

Unlike other New Years, this time I feel a tinge of apprehension for the upcoming realities that for now remain unknown.

Previous callouses of the heart compel me to be wary of what will come, what I hold on to and may, at times, inevitably lose.

I have watched as bodies age and leave this world. I have endured heartache. I witnessed betrayal and the resulting decay of companionship. I tasted tears, romance; grappled with anger, restlessness.

What does it all come to, to have lived? Year upon year they stack higher with the advent of age and hopes to grasp wisdom.

I have yet to muster something worthwhile to offer, and I only marvel at the productivity, determination, ambition of some.

I feel as though I am floating, driven to and fro by unseen winds.

I only hope for rhyme and rhythm and reason to return. And while I wait, I shuffle and hope to redeem at least some of this... time.

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